Words can do harm. Imagine being on the receiving end of the following:
“Why did you do that?”
“Well, that was dumb.”
“What sense do you have? None obviously.”
It amazes me, how fear of others’ successes can intensify insecurity in another person. Why else would they feel the need to put others down? Belittling behavior breaks us into little bits then bit by bit we crumble.
Fear can manifest itself in many ways, but one of the most destructive ways is belittling another so you can feel good. The only thing that grows bigger through the belittling behavior is an inferiority complex by both the giver and receiver.
Belittling is the fifth tentacle of fear. It works hand and hand with meanness.
As defined by Vocabulary.com, to belittle means to put down or to make another person feels as though they aren’t important. Saying mean things about another person literally makes them feel “little.”
Complimenting and feeling good for others does not diminish our own successes.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”- Galatians 5:22-23 ESV
Belittling is an abusive behavior. It damages self esteem and confidence. The individual on the receiving end feels less and starts believing that they are less. Belittling treatment can start as early as childhood by a parent, caregiver, adult or even a peer.
As reported by CNN.com reporter Laura Blue in “Belittling as Harmful as a Beating,” belittling is the most common kind of child abuse but also the most challenging to deal with.
The belittling behavior can come in the form of a bully. My son told off a bully last week. He stood his ground. The bully backed down. Way to go. He got tired of acting annoyed and angry. Enough was enough for him. I am so proud that he gained confidence. My son told me another kid came up to my son and shook his hand and thanked him. Not all kids are so lucky.
Blue also noted that “A number of U.S. surveys have also found that more adults claim they faced psychological maltreatment as kids than claim they experienced any other form of abuse. This suggests that psychological maltreatment may be the most common form of abuse inflicted on kids.”
We need to physically break away in order to start mentally break away. That is difficult when one believes what is said about them.
“Forgive those who insult you, attack you, belittle you or take you for granted, but more than this… forgive yourself for allowing them to hurt you. “-Unknown
Let us help each other build strong character and trounce belittling behavior’s impact.
The following resources were retrieved on June 10, 2013:
When I say “doubt”, what comes to mind?
I asked my husband that question and he replied with two answers, “I can’t do it” and “Can’t be done.” When doubt arises there is unrest and uncertainty. We become less effective.
Doubt is a like a weed in the garden; it grows fast and furiously, sucking up nutrients meant for other things. Doubt can take its toll on us. It has an insidious way of blocking faith, causing distrust, and loss of confidence.
We have forgotten our value, wrote author and speaker Joyce Meyer.
In Meyer’s book, Look Great, Feel Great: 12 Keys to Enjoying a Healthy Life Now (2006), Joyce Meyer points out that we are tri-part beings. If we don’t take care of our bodies, soul/minds, and spirits; it will negatively impact the other parts.
Doubt as defined by Dictionary.com
- 1. To be uncertain about, consider questionable, unlikely, hesitate to believe.
- 2. To distrust.
- 3. To fear, be apprehensive about.
Doubt is synonymous with ambiguity, confusion, indecision, lack of confidence, misgivings and wavering. It is one of the ways that fear affects our lives. If fear were an octopus, doubt would be one of its tentacles.
Saint Francis of Assisi stated, Lord, make me an instrument of your peace…where there is doubt; faith.
If doubt has taken root, we have to dig it out. I think in one way or another, doubt has impacted many of us: we underestimate our talents and gifts; we can think ourselves unlikeable or unlovable. Doubt persists, unless we stop it.
Let me ask you this, what haven’t you done because of doubt?
I read a recent article on creativity in the March/April 2013 issue of Spirituality and Health. One of the experts interviewed was Shelly Carson, author of Your Creative Brain and seven steps to Maximize Imagination.
“All of your emotions color the way you see your environment, the way you recall memories and indeed all aspects of your cognition,” stated Carson.
That is not all, in the tips section of April 2013 issue of Psychologies (UK periodical), stated that although rage, fear, and sadness are short term emotions, they often sway our decision making.
“We can get stuck evaluating our failures, which say more about our personal frailties than they do about potential,” Maria Bartiromo, author of The 10 Laws of Enduring Success.
I have learned from personal experience that doubt distorts the lens we look through to the world. Our failures become exaggerated and our successes are minimalized.
Perhaps, we can learn from John C. Maxwell, author of 22 books. We do not improve by simply living. We have to be intentional and make tangible target. (“Growth Doesn’t Just Happen”, Success from Home magazine).
Digging doubt out won’t just happen, we got to remove it from our beliefs, our statements about ourselves. A friend and colleague, Lisa Caron, once shared that we can change negative statements into positive ones with the word “yet.”
“I can’t do it…yet” or “It can’t be done…yet”. “Yet” yields possibility.
Thanks, Lisa, for that advice.
We cannot let doubt crowd out our dreams, our desires, or block our potential.
“You must learn a new way to think before you can master a new way to be,” author Marianne Williamson.
Let ask ourselves, how does doubt impact you? Acknowledge it, and then change it. Let yet being a new word in your mind, see the possibilities it will yield.